How to Survive a Lion Attack

March sure is comin' in like a jerk.

It's freezing today. It's freezing every day. Honestly, I don't really mind the winter all that much, but this one feels like it will just. Never. End. Spring feels so far away. Will I ever frolic in the city in an adorable sundress and wedges again? Will I ever wear one layer of clothing at a time? Right now, it feels tough to remember that the month will probably go out like a docile lil lamb because it came in like freaking Scar, not Simba. Rude.

What do we do when it feels like there's a snarling, growling lion blocking our path to Sunshine, Bliss & Joy? Well, I have spent the last twenty (disturbing) minutes of my life googling "how to survive a lion attack," and I am here to report my findings. Read on if you want to survive.

Tip #1: Stand your ground. 

Despite the fact that you probably just peed your pants, you must stand your ground when faced with a terrifying lion. You have to plant your two feet, take a breath, and look that beast in the face. You can't back down if you want to survive. Are you trembling with nerves? Of course you are. Fake it. Act brave and you'll find that you are. Who, you? Scared? Hell no. You're a badass who's about to battle a lion and win.

Tip #2: Make yourself bigger.

When faced with a lion, all your instincts scream "CURL UP IN BALL & GIVE UP IMMEDIATELY!" Fight them. Tell your instincts that just this once, they aren't welcome. You have to turn off the part of your mind that says "we're goners" and act bigger than you feel. Literally. Stomp your feet. Wave your arms. Yell. You have to trick the lion that YOU are the force to be reckoned with here. YOU are running this showdown. 
The bigger you are, the smaller the lion.

Tip #3: Do not run away.

Oh yes, you're shaking while you flail your arms and yell nonsense. Your heart sure is beating like a mofo. Your head is screaming "WE AREN'T GONNA MAKE IT!" Don't give up now. You worked too hard. You peed your pants and you're still here. You're still fighting. Don't. Run. Away. 
Be brave. Roar.

We've all experienced a lion attack. It happens anytime we feel small and like we're definitely not gonna make it. However, I am happy to report that your survival rate is 100%. How do I know? Easy: you're still alive. Still reading this email. You might have a lot of scars and your heart might feel a little tired, but cue Destiny's Child because you are a survivor. You've won all of the tough battles. Even if it really hurt, you turned every lion into a lamb. 

I hope you'll join me in Shrink Session this month. I am teaching on a new night (Wednesday! Same time and place.) and can't wait to have a mid-week boost with you. We're all fighting lions and we have it in us to act bigger, braver, and stronger. The only shrinking I ever want you doing is in a studio with me. Let's do it together.


March Schedule

*Please note new class times! All classes $20*

Wed. 3/5 KICK OFF!
Chelsea Studios 
151 W 26th St. 
7-8 PM

Wed. 3/12
Chelsea Studios 
151 W 26th St. 
7-8 PM

Wed. 3/19
NO regular class...
stay tuned for a special event!

Wed. 3/26 FINALE!
Chelsea Studios 
151 W 26th St. 
7-8 PM

PS: If an actual live lion is attacking you....I think these tips will work...the internet seems to agree. However, I have a BFA in Musical Theatre so I'm no big game expert and so you should stay on the trail and always use protection and maybe if you cry a lot he will feel bad for you and walk away to find his friends and do a musical number in a glade. Fingers crossed.